the intimacy of walking

your next first date should be a walk

wanna go on a walk? i text for the millionth time in my life.

i’ll be honest and admit that i used to detest walking. up until my senior year of high school, i’d refuse to go with my mom to get the mail unless we took the car and drove over to the neighborhood mailbox, which was only a 7 minute walk away.

for some reason, i always thought of walking to be a boring activity. i never even considered it as a social bonding activity—instead, walking seemed like an activity my middle-aged parents would do after dinner; it was an activity exclusively for 60-year-olds to do when their joints are stiff and the doctor told them they need to exercise. walking wasn’t for young adults to voluntarily partake in during their free time when they could be driving around town and partying instead!

i’m here now to refute those beliefs of my 16-year-old self because i now know and have experienced the power and intimacy of walking. now, i lovelovelovelove walking so much—walks i’ve taken in the 2.5 year timespan between senior year of high school and now have made me such good memories, connected me so much closer to friends and loved ones, and really paved the way and changed how i see social bonding as a whole. it’s such a simple yet underrated social activity, and i’m going to explain why:

to begin, i’ll offer some context: i discovered the power of walking through dating my ex-boyfriend. we were virtually strangers before we began dating, and our first date was just a walk around my neighborhood around 9pm (because i didn’t want my parents to know i was going to meet a boy! so i told them it was a nighttime walk with a friend from the neighborhood) on a random weekday during the winter break of our senior year of high school.

that was my first true experience with walking as a social activity. the walk itself lasted only around 40 or 50 minutes, but we spent the entireeee time talking and getting to know each other with no distractions and nothing else to do but simply talk. i felt like i’d discovered some sort of secret social sauce, and for the rest of that winter break, we met up nearly every night to walk, up until we’d hit the two or—once or twice, if i remember correctly—three-hour mark.

i got to know him on those walks better than i did most of my close friends at that point, and that’s what made me realize just how powerful and intimate walks can be. even after getting to know each other so well throughout the rest of high school, my ex and i would regularly go on nighttime walks around campus when college started and up until we broke up just as a way to simultaneously spend time with each other and catch up on what the other person has been up to.

i think what makes walking so appealing as a social activity for me is its lack of social pressure. by this, i mean that there’s no pressure to uncomfortably stare directly across a table at someone like one would experience in more common social activities like eating out together with someone. i think this is especially relevant in the dating sphere—for me, the two first dates i’ve ever been on (plus a half-planned third one that never happened but was meant to be a walk) were all simple nighttime walks that i suggested instead of fancy dinners or awkward movies.

walking is just the most comfortable medium for a first date to me. this is not to say that it isn’t nerve-racking—all first dates are nerve-racking! but it’s a reassuring feeling for me to know that i’m going on an activity that i’m sure will let me get a good read on the other person’s character, because after all—there really is nothing else to do on a walk but talk. in my experience, as with all first date walks and social walks with new acquaintances, it’ll be awkward at first, but having nothing to do but talk has always allowed me to fall into a steady rhythm of conversation quite easily with the other person.

for me (and i’m sure for most other people), i do my best from voluntarily plopping myself into uncomfortable situations. that’s why i value walks so much—unlike dinner and drinks, there’s no pressure during a walk to directly face someone, especially if i don’t know them well, and have to feel hyperconscious of the way i eat or hyperaware of the way i look. i don’t feel forced to maintain eye contact constantly across the table, wondering if i’m making too much or too little eye contact and creeping the other person out, and there’s none of that feeling of confinement that i know i’d get from physically being unable to escape from a restaurant table.

instead, with a walk, both parties are relieved from that pressure by the ability to just stare straight ahead. then, in a romantic context, when one person turns to look over at the other, the act is all the more intimate and what i honestly consider to be a nice cherry-on-top way of flirting. there are no distractions of food, noise, or movies on a walk, so the only thing to focus on is the other person and getting to know them. plus, you’re not only getting passive cardio in but also probably walking around in what i’d imagine to be a nice setting—and so i’d say that these are all wins in my book.

also, another perk of going on a walk as a first date that i’ve discovered is that when there’s no set destination and you’re both roaming around aimlessly (as is how i’d imagine most walks to happen), you have the power of direction. worst case, if the date is going horrifically and you need an escape, you’re not stuck—by way of casual suggestion, you can direct where you and your date walk and control where you go, suggesting lefts and rights until you two have miraculously made it back to your apartment thirty minutes earlier than expected!

first date walks aside—i think walking is also a wonderful activity to do with friends. for me personally, walking with friends has been something i more-so do with established friendships and have more-so picked up post-high school with hometown friends who go to different colleges. when everyone’s back home together during school breaks or on the rare weekend, walks have been a great way for me to get caught up with friends i never see on the regular and just be able to talk like old times with zero distractions (and also hangout without spending money—because at the end of the day, we’re still broke college students).

i literally look forward to my walks with friends so much in the days leading up to a long school vacation. no matter where we go—whether it be the local park or around my own neighborhood—my walks with my friends will last hourssss and are always full of debriefs, catching up, laughing, and the most random topics that’ll come to mind. i always leave a walk with a friend feeling like i’d never been apart from them in the first place, and that’s a really special sentiment to feel with a close friend that i get to only see a few times a year. in fact, i consider myself very lucky that even though i’m far away from my close, long-time friends for most of the year, i still have the ability to see them when we all come together in our hometown and go on regular walks. my college graduation is still a long ways from now, but it’s sad to think about how this convenience will dissipate when we’re all thrust into the real world and eventually move away after that.

i think i used to have a predisposed belief that in order to get close with or bond with someone, i needed to consistently do exciting things or try new ventures with them. maybe this also stemmed from a fear of vulnerability when i was younger, but i just couldn’t comprehend or believe that a seemingly-boring activity like walking could be such a wonderful medium for human connection until i proved myself wrong. if this is your current thought approach towards social bonding, i urge you to rethink—true relationships stem from connection and experience, not experience alone.

walking is also a way for exploration. it was through my constant walks around campus in freshman year that i discovered so many new nooks and buildings around my college (that i still visit to this day); even now, i could take my 100th walk around my school and still discover new flowers that recently bloomed or a new little garden between buildings that i’d never noticed. when i walk with friends back home, our appetite for something new is sometimes too strong to avoid, and i’ll get to explore a new park or new neighborhood we decide on walking in that i probably would’ve never set foot in otherwise. with the surprisingly non-linear nature of walks, i have the choice and freedom to make pit stops whenever/wherever, so while the familiarity of a setting to walk in is very comforting, the ability to explore a new location and new places within it is all the more exhilarating, and it’s this opportunity of walks that makes me excited for the new locations i’ll inevitably find myself in in the future.

now, when it’s a sunny day or an idle evening, i have to physically fight the urge to go take a walk with someone. although i’m not experienced with walking as a solo activity—i’ve tried it a few times around campus, but i think i’m unfortunately a little too aware of the people i know and pass to walk alone with no conversation or buddy to distract me—it’s still nice to clear my head walking back to my apartment after a late-night study session in the library or to enjoy the nice weather by walking to class on a beautiful day. in fact, even just yesterday, i walked from my apartment to class with a friend, and even though it only took around 15 minutes, it was such a relaxing way to enjoy the sun and spend some social time.

so i’ll be continuing to go on more walks, and i encourage you to as well! whether it’s a first date or with a long-time friend, i think you’d be surprised at the connection that’ll stem from that singular walk alone.